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Post by cainvoorhees on May 21, 2010 17:19:11 GMT -5
Okay well, we've talked about in the chatterbox and this thread is for us to give each other constructive criticism on our RPing abilities. Suggestions are mostly welcome but remember that the comments you receive are meant to benefit you and the community as a whole.
So I guess how we can do this is those who ask for critiques can volunteer here and everyone else can say a little something about their writing.
I'll go first so... Open fire!
((I wasn't sure if I should post it here or in the creativity board))
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Post by Twisted Logic on May 21, 2010 20:44:29 GMT -5
I do have one thing not directed at anyone in particular:
Try to organize your writing into paragraphs; it makes posts easier to read.
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Post by cainvoorhees on May 22, 2010 1:01:56 GMT -5
^I agree. I try to model my writing off of novels and usually any sentence spoken by a different character in a conversation will be separated into another "paragraph." This is mostly to keep the story organized. If you've ever read Heart of Darkness, you'll see an example in literature where that happens.
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Post by Danny on May 22, 2010 1:40:17 GMT -5
From what I've read of your work, Cain, I'm impressed. Your work is easy to read and I enjoy reading it.
And that's saying something; I hate reading.
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Post by IndigoWolf on May 22, 2010 10:38:49 GMT -5
I agree, your writing is good. Really there isn't anyone here who's writing I don't like to read. The writer of Heart or Darkness on the other hand, is another story. I hated that book. I never knew someone could make riding on a boat through the jungle and being shot at by angry natives so boring.
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Post by Spec-Opp Spartan on May 22, 2010 11:09:01 GMT -5
I agree with the others your writing is well written and easy too read.
Well I will read Heart of Darkness my Senior Year but I don't think any book could be worse then Crime and Punishment.
(I guess I will go on the chopping block next (and I know paragraphs so don't repeat it I got it).
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Post by Twisted Logic on May 22, 2010 11:35:04 GMT -5
Your writing is quite good, Cain.
Also, Specs, "I don't think any book could be worse than Crime and Punishment." I disagree: Wuthering Heights is the worst book that I've ever read.
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Post by IndigoWolf on May 22, 2010 11:39:55 GMT -5
I think the school system is trying to make kids hate reading.
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Post by Mitchell Edwin Johnson on May 22, 2010 13:54:18 GMT -5
hmhm, oi, oi, what can I improve on?
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Post by Danny on May 22, 2010 17:48:15 GMT -5
Specs, I see soooo much potential in you. Without mentioning grammar and paragraphs, the only thing I can say is not say the word 'well' so much. I see it everywhere, and if there isn't a comma after it, it makes me sad You're an awesome roleplayer, when I read your first post in Eden, I was like 'clap, clap, clap.' All you need to do is work on paragraphing and grammar, you've got everything else down. Mitch, personally I think your work has improved since the beta. Not that it was bad before, it just seemed better and I liked reading your 'Remnants' post. The only thing you need to improve on is actually reading other peoples posts. It's really frustrating when your character starts talking to another, who actually isn't there Alrighty, hit me!
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Post by Sparty McFly on May 22, 2010 18:49:49 GMT -5
Make longer posts, god damnit!
(directed towards me)
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Post by cainvoorhees on May 23, 2010 4:03:27 GMT -5
Specs, from what I've seen, try to be consistent with your capitalization and punctuations (including commas). I'm not sure if it's just your keyboard or not but I've seen a lot of ellipsis (the ...'s). Try to be more conservative about those. I would try to use these more for dramatic effect and even then, sparingly. For example, "The man turned around and said, 'I... am your father.'"
You have interesting characters. I won't go into character development, but I'd like to see more about the setting your characters are in. This actually goes for everyone. Is it a large room with a bunch of computer screens? Is it a cave where Elites sit on rocks? I think if you can work this in without breaking the flow of your posts, your writing will go to another level. You don't even need to describe the setting directly and too much; just work it in with your character's actions. Example: "Joe looked around the small dusty room, rubbing the dirt on his clothes off."
Danny, you write well and I like reading your posts. I'd like to see a little more description about your characters' appearance as their settings change. Just a little bit about their clothes or facial expression every other post will help remind readers about your character's personality. Also, when you write your dialogues, you write the first part of what they say, then their name and "fashion of reply," then the rest of their sentence. While this is fine, you don't have to do that for every line of dialogue. For example, from Sanghelios:
What could've you done instead...
Just vary it up a little. The ABC equation gets stale after so many consecutive uses.
The next suggestion's not so much as a writing suggestion then an ease-of-reading suggestion. From what I've seen, when you do a dialogue between two characters in your posts, your paragraphs are typed:
This is one paragraph. Second paragraph is this.
Normally if we were able to indent our paragraphs, this wouldn't be a problem. But since we're on a forum and that's actually not going to work so well, you could double-space your paragraphs:
This is one paragraph
Second paragraph is this.
Mitch, I haven't seen much of your writing yet so I haven't come up with anything but from what I've seen, what could help is character interaction. Don't godmod of course, but character interaction is where the drama comes from, and what makes stories interesting. I can post more suggestions when I see more of what you can do.
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Post by Danny on May 23, 2010 4:32:19 GMT -5
Thanks, that's great feedback. I'll definitely take all that in. I've been told about my lack of description before, so hopefully this time it'll stick
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Ares
O.D.S.T. Major
Admin
God's out on business. Whaddya need?
Posts: 947
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Post by Ares on May 23, 2010 13:36:07 GMT -5
So.... my turn. I THINK this is everyone who actively RPs. Could be wrong. Danny: Your posts are always important, and I like your characters. You always find a way for the smallest character to become the center of the singularity and throw the story around for some fun. I personally like your writing style, but I feel forced to bring up the fact that I've never been able to bring up a face for any of your characters. You can sculpt a battlefield and cast a fog of chaos and battle beautifully, but you characters always seem kind of enigmatic. Excluding Anau, of course, but for the most part you're an excellent SPARTAN. =) Mitch: Quite possibly the best character-crafter I've come across. You can always make the most interesting- if dysfunctional- characters to be the part of a group. You're a fun role-player, and in your UNSC characters you really get the military feel of it. You may need to improve on length of posts, but that problem has mostly gone away now. Specs: No offense to the rest of the asylum, but you're probably my favorite role player. Sometimes you need to utilize your SpellCheck a little more, and straight-up grammar isn't always your strong point, I like how you create stories. Plotting, intrigue, and throwing random surprises in makes you a really, really fun person to RP with. Cain: I have yet to read any of the threads you're in, but once I get around to it I'll write up something. =D Indi: An RPer who is just plain good. You have almost flawless posts- not always laid out perfectly, but that's a little thing- and I enjoy reading your posts. You're Elites are always excellent characters who are perfect protagonists (sp?) in a story. The only issue I can think of other than layout is sometimes your posts are a little bit short. Other than that, I like the flow of your writing, and your characters are always gripping. ^.^ Twisted: You I haven't seen as much of. But I like your writing. Your characters are always unusual enough to grab the eye, but not quite enough to really turn the head- it's a perfect balance for an intriguing character that makes me want to go sniff out his profile and find more about your characters! Your writing is very concise; you could be a bit more descriptive, especially about the setting. But other than that, I like your posts. Sev: Somewhat similar to TL in the sense that I just don't see you around as much in-character. However, when I do RP with you, I want to give my characters an excuse to follow you around so I can just see what he will do. Your writing is a teeny bit choppy at times, and length is sometimes an issue, but those are problems we both share, so I'm just a big hypocrite. =P
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